Cry
by IndigoGrapefruit
Summary: “It just looked so painful for you to keep back your tears Natsume," Mikan told me, "Aoi would have wanted you to be happy, but she wouldn’t have wanted for you to force your emotions. I know because that's what I want too."


**A serious story. When someone dies, you can't get over it easily, and that is the reason why I've put a lot of emotion into this. Told in Natsume's point of view, how he feels about his sister and how Mikan helps him get over it.**

**Dedicated to Aleks, a friend of a friend that I've never met who was murdered in December of 2008, to Janice who knew her and cried for her, and to all who have lost a loved one. Aleks, I'm sure that if we met, we could have been the best of friends.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

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****Cry**

My house was located at the very end of the road, near a small trail that lead to a deserted park. After they built a bigger park near the main crossroad, nobody came down here anymore. It pleased me that I had the park all to myself because if you were to know me, Natsume Hyuuga, you'd know that I don't have very much time to myself.

The park was but a small one. There was no playground. It was only consisted of flowers and several benches here and there. In the middle of it all was a huge blossoming Sakura tree. At least that's what I remember. I used to go there all the time, until one day, I looked in the mirror, saw how much I had become like my father, and realized that my childhood was behind me.

I grew to a height of five-eight, had ebony black hair and crimson eyes. I always thought that my eyes were freaky. I hated myself for inheriting them from my mother. They weren't human, I told myself. They were eyes of devils or vampires. I never quite understand why I wasn't feared. Instead of repelling people, that feature of me attracted them like parasites.

And then, when I was twelve, my sister died in an explosion when she went shopping with her friends. I took the ashes – all that remained of her – and scattered them around the Sakura Tree. And then I cried. It was where she had always wished to be buried. I never set foot there after that. I couldn't bring myself to, or I might shed tears again.

Elementary was when you played at parks and had fun, Middle School was when you were infected by others' immaturity, high school was when you were slammed back into reality and started preparing for the life ahead. After I entered Alice High School, it never occurred to me that I would ever go back. That was why I didn't understand why I got this uncanny feeling that I had to be there when I looked out the window and saw the rain pouring down.

It was stupid, I told myself as I got out my umbrella, to be there when it was coming down so heavily. Nonetheless, I locked the door and set foot upon the trail once again.

_You're a stupid idiot, Natsume, _I thought, _You told yourself that you'd never go back there again. It's not healthy to become so attached to a piece of your childhood._

But attached I was. It almost seemed automatic: one foot after another. There was a feeling in my gut – something I couldn't quite put down – that I had to be there, or else I would regret it horribly. This didn't seem right. I hated it any kind of attachment that would hinder or bother me. I hated being ruled by my instinct.

I was holding the umbrella, but I got soaked anyway. Hindered by it, I closed my umbrella and strode at a faster pace. The mud squished under my shoes and the fresh smell of rain filled my nostrils. The chilling sensation of being soaked made me shiver slightly. I strode faster and faster until my pace broke into a jog.

I broke into the clearing and saw a blur. At first I couldn't make out what it was, but as I jogged out into the grass that she was a girl. She had honey gold-brown hair tied into two small pigtails. Her eyes were closed and her face was angled towards the sky. Her mouth was curved in a mild smile, as if she was thankful for all there was in the world. It was a very artistic sight. The rain trickled from her face down to her slender fingers and dripped to the ground.

I slowed down into a walking pace and slowly approached her. She must have noticed me because she turned her head back. Our eyes met for the first time. Hers widened and she took half a step back. I flinched; she probably thought that I was a vampire or something.

"Aoi?" she asked in a startled voice and pointed an accusation finger at me, "But you're dead… And you turned into a guy!" She started hyperventilating and freaking out. "Her ghost is coming back to haunt me!"

I blinked. What kind of girl was this? She totally ruined the serine image I had of her a second ago. "Not Aoi," I told her and she calmed down. "She died. I'm her brother."

"Oh!" she laughed nervously, "I knew that! That would explain the resemblance between you two. You have the same eyes! Hi, I'm Mikan, Aoi's friend." Before I could reply, Mikan broke into a rant. "It's so cool that she has a brother, and I'm really surprised that she does because she never told me! Are you her older brother or her younger brother? Oh, I know! You must be her twin! You two look exactly alike! Oh my god, it must be so cool to have a twin! I've always wanted one! Sorry if I keep ranting on and on, but this is just so exciting!! You must have been so "

"O-kay…" I commented uncertainly. I've always wondered why girls were so chatty. "Why are you out here in the rain?"

"Nostalgia, I guess," she told me. Her face was so wet that I couldn't tell if it was the rain or if it was her tears. "Aoi-chan and I used to play here all the time. We used to pretend that we were fairies and Sakura Park was our home. Oh yea, I remember that she showed me her brother once, and I thought that you were twins like I just did. What a coincidence, eh? My memories must be blurring. We must have met before. Your name was Natame or something right?"

"Natsume," I corrected. So that was where Aoi always disappeared to without telling me…

"Those were good memories," she said in a choke between a laugh and a cry. "I haven't been here since she died. I don't know what brought me back today. I felt like I _had _to be here no matter what. I'm starting to sound stupid, aren't I?"

I flinched. Could this be a coincidence? "I came here for the same reason. Aoi was so young when she died. If only the stupid gas station didn't blow up… There weren't even any remains for us to bury. I was so pissed. Did you know that I scattered the ashes around here? I bet they've blown away a long time ago." I said the last sentence with a bitter tone.

"Oh," she replied, "I'm sorry. I thought I had it bad, but you guys were the ones that really suffered…" Mikan clutched her heart with both of her hands. "It hurts when someone dies, doesn't it? I thought the pain numbed after six years, but it's still there."

I felt it again, the urge to cry. My eyes stung and a sharp pain throbbed in my chest. I squinted my eyes and bit my lip hard in an attempt to keep back my tears. But I could feel them pour out slightly and I saw my vision blur. My efforts were all in vain.

And then she did something to stop me from crying. She laughed. Mikan laughing was the most angelic thing I've seen in my life, whether it was because she saved me from humiliation or if she was just an angel in human form in my eyes, I didn't know. Anyhow, she pointed at me and broke into hysterical laughter.

"What?" I growled, blinking back my tears.

She had to take several breaths to calm herself down before speaking, "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that you cry funny! It looked like you were dying to let it all out, but you just refuse to." She gave me a sympathetic look. "It's not wrong to cry for Aoi, you know? We all love her very much. She was one of my best friends…"

The rain was letting up now. It would stop soon. If I had to cry, it would be now. I took a deep breath in. It would feel better to let it all out, but that would mean that she would see. It was different from years ago. I was only twelve and I was alone when I cried. Never in my life would I have expected to cry in front of a girl. I just couldn't do it.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she offered, "I'll even turn around if you want me to."

"Can I hug you?" I asked unexpectedly. I cursed myself under my breath as soon as I said that. What was I thinking, asking that of a girl that I barely knew.

She was surprised for a moment, but it soon disappeared into an understanding smile. "I understand. It's because I remind you of you sister right? I've had people tell me that I'm her soul twin before. You can hug me if you want. I don't mind."

I nodded and uncertainly wrapped my arms around her. She didn't feel like my sister at all. Her scent, her height, they were all different from Aoi's. It felt like a part of Aoi was with me in my heart, not in my arms. Truthfully, hugging Mikan felt weird, but right. After a long hug, I let go of her slowly.

"I can't cry for you," I told her, "You don't feel like my sister at all."

"Well, I wasn't trying to force you to," she told me in a bright voice, "It just looked so painful for you to keep back your tears. Aoi would have wanted you to be happy, but she wouldn't have wanted for you to force your emotions. I know because that's what I want too."

I glanced up at the sky. The clouds departed and the bright sunshine shone down on us. I squinted my eyes at the bright sunlight that resembled Aoi's smile, and unexpectedly, the tears trickled down.

I looked back at her and noticed that she was watching closely my every gesture. She saw me staring and flashed a bright grin.

"Don't say anything," I snapped, "I didn't cry. The sun was in my eyes."

"Lies!" she exclaimed and laughed. "You did! I so saw!"

It wasn't as bad having her see as I thought it was. Mikan was one of the people who weren't afraid to express their emotions. She laughed when she was happy and cried when she was sad. She made it seem like it was no big deal.

"Tch. I bet you cry all the time."

Her jaw dropped and she demanded, "How did you know?! You're not psychic, are you? Oh my god, what if you are!? Did you know you were going to meet me? Did you?"

I smirked. "No. You're just an open book."

"What do you mean by that?!" she hissed and folded her arms in an angry matter.

A slight breeze blew through my drenched hair.

_Onii-chan, Mikan-chan, I love you. Please be happy._

I immediately snapped my head in the direction that the breeze came from, as did Mikan. We looked at each other, overwhelmed with shock.

"Did you hear that?" she said incredulously. "I could have sworn that it was Aoi's voice!"

I looked up at the blinding sun and I could have sworn that I saw her with her smiling face and waving at us. I blinked and it was gone. Hallucination? Or maybe, just maybe…

"It's a miracle."

_The End_

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**Love comes in all sorts of different ways: for your friends, your family, and your partners. The more we love we give, the more it hurts when they're gone. But still, no matter what, we can't stop giving, because that's the way this world works.**

**-Janet**


End file.
